Death Be Not Proud
by Antigone1Evenstar
Summary: Tsuna always knew he was best at being terrible, but this was a new low. In which Tsunayoshi dies constantly. Death, but not permanent.
1. Tsunayoshi

I do not own anything KHR related. Like at all.

Note: Death described. Not always pleasant, but not intentionally gory.

* * *

><p>Tsunayoshi always remembered the day. It was May 2, and mostly cloudy. He'd just come back from school, and was eating a snack. His mother left him for a second to answer the phone, warning him to "Slow down, Tsu-Kun". Of course, he was hungry and ignored his mom.<p>

He regretted this when he choked to death.

It was an unpleasant experience, unable to call out for help, tripping over his untied shoelaces and lodging everything in firmer.

He awoke in what looked like a space adventure manga. This led to some serious panicking, because Tsuna _knew_ he wasn't cut out to be the Hero Suddenly Thrust Into A New World. Then he started crying because he'd just _died_ and what was his mom going to do all alone and he had just been hungry and now he would never have any friends and-

"Little dude! PLEASE stop crying, I'm trying to concentrate!"

This did nothing to reassure Tsuna, who only wailed louder. The stranger was tall, with freakishly white skin and a rainbow mohawk. The stranger growled in frustration.

"Look, you're going RIGHT BACK so cut the crying, twerp! I promise!" With a shake of his head, he turned back to a giant keyboard and started pounding at it in aggravation.

"You choked on a rice ball. Who DOES that, even? My case, apparently. Just my luck that you're so young, I can just tell you're going to be a lot of trouble from now on. If I don't see you at least once a month, I'll shave my head." Tsuna only just heard this though, troubled as he was. Still, you can only cry so energetically for so long with an eight year old's stamina, and by the 45 minute mark, he had settled down into periodic sobs and free-flowing snot.

"Right! Finally, here we go! Listen to your mom this time, kid. Okay?" With that and a click of a button, Tsuna found himself sitting back at the table, about a minute before the phone rang.

With the cause of his death so obviously before him, and confusion that terrified him, Tsuna found himself refusing a snack.

* * *

><p>By the third day after his demise, Tsuna found himself doubting the event. He was eight, after all, and even his teachers thought his mind was...special.<p>

Then he fell down the stairs.

Promptly, he woke up to find himself being glared at by the Rainbow Hair Stranger. Just as promptly, he began to cry.

"Is that all you know how to do? Die in stupid ways and cry?"

Huffing, he turned back to his work. Tsuna kept up his tears, curling into a miserable ball. When footsteps approached, he looked up. Rainbow Hair sighed, and patted his head gently.

"Look kid, it's fine. I sent you back last time, right?" Tsuna nodded. "Right. So I'll do it again this time. Hopefully it will stick, but considering what I've learned, I'm not excited about the chances." Tsuna wasn't really sure what he meant, but tried to reign in his sobbing. Rainbow Hair kept up his patting, looking slightly uncomfortable but resigned. Once Tsuna was somewhat less...snotty, Rainbow Hair started talking again.

"I know you're pretty young, so I'm not sure how much you understand about what's happening. But right now, you're dead. You also died three days ago. Problem is, you're not supposed to yet."

"Why?" Tsuna clickly shut his mouth, but the question was all ready asked.

"Because Time is Relative, but Death is Determined."

"Huh?"

"You're not the brightest student in your class, are you?" Tsuna scowled at him.

"Sorry, Bunny. It means that Time, you know, clocks and hours and all that- isn't everything. I sent you back before you died, right? Well, that's because Time isn't stable."

"Huh?"

"This is going to be hard, I can tell. It's like water. You know what water is, right Bunny?"

"My name isn't Bunny."

"But you know what water is?"

"Yes." Tsuna tried to glare. Rainbow Hair just laughed.

"Okay. So water moves. It freezes, or turns into steam when it's hot. If you pour it into a small cup, it is shaped like a small cup. If you pour it into a bathtub, then it is shaped like a bathtub. Get it?"

Close enough.

"Probably not yet, but this isn't your only chance. So Time, like water, changes. Death doesn't."

"Why?"

"Because it doesn't."

"But-"

"When you're an Older Bunny, I'll try to explain it. For now, just know this. One day, you'll die. Everyone does. But three days ago, and today, you weren't supposed to."

"Oh."

"Oh is right. And it's my job to make sure you stay alive until you ARE supposed to die. But because it isn't time yet, I have to send you back manually."

"Manu-"

"I have to do it myself, otherwise you WOULD be dead, and that could cause problems. Big problems."

"Sorry."

"Whatever, Bunny-Twerp."

"Not BUNNY!"

"Whatever you say, kid."

* * *

><p>As it turned out, dying out of place once vastly increased your chances of doing so again. Rainbow Hair said that only one person had ever managed to die out of place just once, everyone else had multiples.<p>

And then of course, there was Tsuna.

Rainbow Hair lamented (loudly) about his days, how he couldn't take vacation leave because no one else wanted to deal with such a troublesome case.

Tsuna just ignored him. It wasn't like he was _trying_ to die so often. What a sucky thing to be good at.

At least he got to spend a lot of time with the weird person? Tsuna was his first case in fact, which was why it took so long for him to work things through.

"Once you've spent a century or so with the controls, they respond better. It just takes a while to break it in, that's the trouble with semi-sentient electronics. I prefer the Old Style, but I didn't get a vote."

He got to ask him interesting questions, at least.

* * *

><p>"So...what's your name?"<p>

Tsuna had died (falling library books in the reference section, ouch) again, for the second time this week. He had also just realized that he didn't have an actual name for Rainbow Hair, which he probably should have asked before. But you know, Dying. A touch distracting.

"Sharptooth."

"Nuh-uh."

"Close enough."

"It's a stupid name."

"Coming from someone who managed to die helping fold laundry-who manages to lock themselves in a washing machine? I don't want to hear about stupid."

"Is that because you're master of it?"

"Of what?"

"You are!"

"Of WHAT, Bunny?"

"Master of Stupid. Duh."

* * *

><p>"In training, I always liked reading old casefiles, they were the best. Like this one time, 1506 China. A lady managed to drown herself five times in the same day, all in different bodies of water."<p>

"Okay, I am nowhere near that bad."

"You're more of a quantity over quality kind of person, Bunny. Then there was this one time everyone talks about- it was before I started the job, obviously- this guy in Africa, around 500 BC, I think, managed to die 168 times in the same day."

"What."

"Yep. My personal favorite is the time this really fancy guy from 1852 London accidentally fell through a time vortex and got crushed by a dinosaur. Like, he didn't even see it coming, just SPLAT."

Tsuna turned green.

"That is horrible."

"I know. It was an herbivore, too. Didn't mean to, it was just walking and the dude's head got in the way."

"You have problems."

"You die, on average, two dozen times a month. You're set to break records, kid. I wouldn't talk about problems."

"Like your hair?"

"Shut it, Bunny."

* * *

><p>"But really, what's your name?"<p>

"Heimlich. Heimlich M. Uver."

"You get worse at this every time I ask."

* * *

><p>"So...does every time I die create a new reality?"<p>

"I hope not. There are enough universes out there without creating extra. The thought of spawning THAT many more where I have to babysit your troublesome butt is terrifying."

"Ha ha."

"I don't think so, though. It takes more than that to really create a different reality. I'm pretty sure you're just reading too many comic books."

"MANGA."

"Whatever, Bunny Otaku."

* * *

><p>Tsuna was proud of himself. He managed to get his two dozen a month deaths down to 13. Of course, Middle School was proving worse than Elementary on the bullying and studies side, but still. Maybe Rainbow Hair could take a vacation sometime soon.<p>

Then the Devil came to stay.

This increased his death rate to 8 times a _week_, if he was lucky. Which made Rainbow Hair grumpy.

After Tsuna had managed to die twice in a two hour period, he got a long lecture. Tsuna wasn't a happy camper either, though.

"Shut up! I have REBORN, the Demon Baby training me, it's a miracle you don't see me MORE!"

"Reborn?"

"Yes."

"Number One Hitman?"

"I thought you were supposed to be paying attention to things."

"I don't know him by sight."

"He introduces himself, title and all, about three times a day."

"Bunny, shut up."

"Don't call me Bunny!"

"Well, in light of this new data, I have to congratulate you. You're actually doing pretty good."

"Wow, thanks so much."

"Most welcome, Bunny."

* * *

><p>It was shortly after the thirteenth (or fifteenth) time that Gokudera had accidentally killed him by way of stray dynamite that he managed his 700th Death By Stairs. The fact that they were the stairs in his own home was ignored by Tsuna, though not by his Handler.<p>

"Bunny Tsuna! My Manager is here to congratulate you!"

"Oh, wonderful."

"Congratulations, young man. You managed to die falling down the stairs over 700 times in less than 5 years, which blows the last record of 342 straight out of the water."

"I'm so proud of myself."

"I'm definitely proud of my little Tsu-Bunny."

"No one finds that funny!"

"Except me, and I'm the one that really matters. Deal with it."

The Manager rolled his eyes and turned to leave.

"Have fun, children."

* * *

><p>Tsuna was scared of death for the first time in a while.<p>

"But my friends-"

"I can't tell you."

"My mom!"

"I can't."

"But!"

"But nothing! However, I should tell you that the tendency to die out of place runs in families, and isn't from your father's side."

"Thanks."

"But I can't say anything more. It's my job on the line, you know!"

And so his one source had dried up, leaving Tsuna worried about his friends. Gokudera's tendency of self-sacrifice was enough to give him cold sweats, let alone how oblivious Yamamoto and Big Brother were about the whole thing.

Lambo was a subject he tried not to think about.

But they were all in trouble now, and they only had one chance.

Tsuna gripped his sheets, shaking slightly.

One chance.

* * *

><p>The Manager was there, helping Rainbow Hair. Tsuna had managed to die in an unfortunately complicated way. It involved a downed electric line, 14 Yakuza members, four pairs of Oxfords, and a kazoo.<p>

As it turned out, there wasn't an automatic program for this, and everything had to be formulated manually.

"Hey."

"Yes, Curious Bunny?"

"Is Reborn like me with the death thing?"

The ensuing disbelieving, almost hysterical laughter, felt uncalled for. But at least it answered his question.

* * *

><p>Surprisingly, neither Xanxus nor Byakuran managed to kill Tsuna. He actually fought them all the way through to victory without getting a reset.<p>

He really wasn't sure whether this was a good thing or not.

* * *

><p>Apparently, it was a bad thing to steal information about the system and use it to your advantage, even if it meant saving the multi-verse.<p>

Which is what his Ten Year Later Self had done, at one point, although technically (he thinks) it was a different Universe Him. So Tsuna wasn't sure why _he_ was getting a lecture, except for the fact that Rainbow Hair was generally obnoxious, and enjoyed holding things over his head.

Like that time he got killed by a squirrel.

At any rate, the lecture was going on 4 hours, with five different people (all different Managers and Handlers, it appeared) taking turns. Finally they finished. Not that Tsuna had been listening (he wasn't a poor student for nothing), but at least he could go back, now. He wasn't sure how much time was passing back in the living world, but the thought of his mom worrying about where he was, or worse, finding the body, made him uncomfortable. Even if she forgot once he was sent back, he disliked the thought of his mother being that upset.

"And you weren't actually listening, were you?"

Tsuna shrugged. He was a terrible liar.

"Fine. Just- you owe us, okay?"

"Sure. Can I please go back, now? I'm worried about my mom."

'Listerine' (Rainbow Hair) checked his monitor.

"Don't worry, she's still gone, but I'll send you back. Just remember, NO STEALING INFORMATION. Or I'll make sure to send you back NAKED next time you die in a public area."

Tsuna was less phased by that particular threat than he should have been (thanks, Reborn), but the thought of Kyoko seeing, or Lord of Rules Hibari- not so good.

"Right. I'll just never touch anything here. Ever. I promise."

'Listerine' shrugged.

"Good enough for me."

* * *

><p>"I can't believe you killed Daemon Spade!"<p>

"Well, it wasn't just me, you know. I-"

"I'm going to be the talk of Management! They might promote me after this case, my first case, and NO ONE has done that since Matya the Prodigy WAY back in like, the 800's. You, my friend, are my ticket to early retirement."

"Glad I could help?"

"Manager says hi, and thanks. I'm sure next time he'll be here personally, but everyone is working overtime resetting all the crap Daemon messed up by existing. Let me tell you, Bunny, it's a huge mess. He created a backlog of _paper_ files- three different storage rooms. Three!"

"Paper?"

"You didn't think we always used computers, did you? Paper is a failsafe for troublesome cases like Spade."

"Do I-"

"Of course, but it's not even close to his. You're what, a decade and a half, around that? He has decades on you, living _and _not-quite-dead-but-should."

"I see."

"And I watched you in your SUPER Attack Bunny Mode, you were fantastic!"

"My _what._"

"Super Attack Bunny! I've seen you as Rabid Bunny, and regular Attack Bunny, but this Super Attack Bunny was awesome, like really cool."

"Glad I could entertain you with my life and death battles."

"I just wish your ability to not die in situations where it would actually be _justified_ would translate over to everyday life."

Tsuna twitched.

* * *

><p>"You know the Arcobaleno?"<p>

"You mean the _other_ biggest mess in history? Why yes I do."

"You know Skull? He doesn't die. Like, he doesn't even get sent here. He just pops back up. Why?"

No reply, just a 100 yard stare and a shiver.

"Never mind..."

* * *

><p>"So, speaking of Arcobaleno-"<p>

"Umm, five deaths ago."

"We need a favor."

"Oh yeah?"

"Look, Kawahira is really messing things up. We need you to destroy the Arcobaleno system."

"Wait- Kawahira? As in the ramen eating man?"

"Oops. Sorry. Spoilers?"

"No, just go on. What are you asking me to do?"

"There are other ways of doing what he's doing. He's just too stubborn to figure it out. That happens with the longer-lived races, they get old and stupid-stubborn. Anyway, Checkerface-"

"You can call him by his ACTUAL name, it's too late now."

"Checkerface wants to use you and some of your friends to replace the current sacrifices. So we need you to make sure that doesn't happen?"

"..."

"Please? Otherwise, all my years of hard work will be for nothing, because his STUPID system blocks ours, and we can't invoke any Override: Death clauses because his system pre-dates ours."

"But isn't Death-"

"His system is older than the system we currently use. I think. Or something like that. I dunno, history wasn't ever my strong point."

"But you're asking me to..."

"Defeat his system, convince the obsessed creepy people (who also need to die soon, by the way), and prevent anyone else from entering into an anti-death state."

"Right. Too easy."

"That's the spirit, Bunny."

"Shut up, _Yodel Meister._"

* * *

><p>So, the Great and Might Shower Muse hit me with this one while I was trying (I promise!) to work on my To Breathe story. So, here it is. Appreciate four straight hours of work, mortals.<p>

Thanks for reading.

And blame any typos on my weariness.


	2. Takeshi

So. I don't own anything related to KHR.

Warning: Suicide.

* * *

><p>Takeshi hadn't meant to get into a rut like this, it just happened.<p>

He really wished he had never found out about his tendency to die out of place, but he had been a little kid, unable to cope at his mom's funeral. No one had noticed him slip away while his father was busy with relatives who really just wanted-

Whatever.

Anyway, he'd fallen and drowned, only to find himself surrounded by electronics and blinking lights, with a dark haired somebody typing away. They didn't say anything, and at this point, Takeshi wasn't sure he was actually anywhere. After another silent five minutes, the figure nodded to themselves.

"I am sending you back. Do not fall again, it was not your time to die."

With that, Takeshi found himself a street before the riverbank, facing the opposite direction he had been going. He was almost tempted to turn around, but decided to make his way back to the funeral. No point in worrying his dad, right?

And for many years, Takeshi put the entire incident right out of his mind. It was a stressful situation, he was a little kid.

* * *

><p>Then one day, Takeshi failed to hit the homerun his team needed to win.<p>

It felt terrible.

What felt even worse were his teammates, consoling him, then talking about him in the locker room. Well, that was surprisingly hurtful. He was supposed to be popular, and had just taken it for granted that it meant he was immune to the kind of bullying others (like that short kid with the hair) had to deal with. And he was, technically. The backbiting was still a surprise.

The first time was actually an accident. He'd been walking home late after practice, and the car never saw him, didn't swerve or slow down.

He found himself in that weird place again, surrounded by quiet whirrings and clicks. The person didn't even look up at him, just kept typing away steadily.

"Ah, excuse me?" The figure barely moved, just a slight inclination of the head. "Can you tell me where I am? I have to get home. I really hope you haven't kidnapped me."

"I am sending you back."

"Okay, that's a relief! I wouldn't want my dad to worry."

Silence.

"So...where am I?"

"You died. You were not meant to. I must correct it. Please remain in well-lit areas, and be more aware of speeding vehicles. Reflective gear would not be remiss."

"Sure, sure. But, what do you mean, I wasn't meant to die? How do you fix that?"

"Time is relative. Death is definite. The balance must be maintained. You are scheduled to die, but not today. You still died today. I maintain balance, and send you back. Prepare yourself, and do not walk in front of speeding cars."

With that, Takeshi was back on the sidewalk, underneath a streetlight.

Reaching home, Takeshi found himself thinking a bit too much. So, it didn't matter what he did in between, as long as it wasn't his time to die?

What- what about his mom?

* * *

><p>The first time, he overdosed.<p>

"So- so my mom. Why-"

"It was her time to die. You cannot escape it."

"But, what if we traded, or something? Like, you took time from me and gave it to mom?"

"Death does not work that way."

"Why not?" There was something heavy in his lungs.

"Because Death is Death. It remains, it stands. Time is fluid, but Death is stability. I cannot ruin centuries of work for one child."

And Takeshi was promptly sent back, reliving second period.

The second time-

Sent back.

Third-

Back.

He settled into a routine, sometimes dying rather publicly, other times hiding away.

Takeshi tried to stop once or twice, he really did, especially after that one time his dad caught him and the look on his dad's face had him crying through the entire reset, but-

It was frustrating, because he was getting worse and worse at Baseball, and his dad was starting to worry about him constantly, and if he didn't have Baseball what was the _point_ because his mom had cheered him on when he was learning and given him his first bat and ball and if he couldn't even respect her memory really he wasn't any kind of son and then-

And then he met a kid who didn't want him to jump.

All the times he had died, and not once had a friend ever managed to try. But then there was this kid, who really _was _a bit pathetic, trying to stop him from something he'd done over a dozen times. His death didn't matter, he _knew_ it didn't matter, but-

But it did, at least to Tsunayoshi.

So the next time he felt like jumping, he made certain to stick with Tsuna, and he annoyed Gokudera and ate Sawada Nana's snacks and laughed at I-Pin kicking Lambo across the room. Maybe death didn't mean as much for him as others, but-

For now, this life was enough.

* * *

><p>"So, do you have a name?"<p>

Takeshi had his first accidental- uh, as accidental as things _could_ be when purposefully dealing with the Mafia- death in a while, and decided to strike up a conversation. During his long string of purposeful deaths, the person just sighed and told him not to be stupid, then sent him back.

"Is it important?"

"Well, yes! I mean, I've known you for years, and I don't even know your name or anything!"

Takeshi could have sworn he heard a sigh, which was odd because 'unnecessary noise' irritated his...person.

"My name is Paulo."

"Cool! My name is-"

"I know your name."

"Right, right. So, do you play baseball?"

* * *

><p>"Hey, Paulo, do you know if-"<p>

"If your friends are, by any chance, similar to you? I cannot say."

"Can you find out?"

"I mean, I know but cannot tell. It is against regulations."

"You can't make one exception?"

"It is against regulations."

"But-"

Tsuna's worried eyes.

"Are you okay? That attack-" He cut Tsuna off.

"Ha, I'm fine!"

* * *

><p>"So I told Gokudera, who just made that angry face, number 5 I think, and he-"<p>

"Do you ever just stop talking?"

"I can't talk during class, so yeah!"

"Could you imagine this as class?"

"Shouldn't you teach me something then?"

"Call it self-study."

)o)o)o

"Yuni! And Gamma! And even my dad-"

"You are ten years in the future, and yet you worry- loudly- about things that do not concern you. I cannot return them, they are meant to die."

"But-"

"Everything dies. My job is not life, but the regulation of death. Now please, quiet."

* * *

><p>"So, is there an alternate universe somewhere-"<p>

"Where you never met Sawada Tsunayoshi? It is likely, there are many."

"But you don't know?"

"I regulate Death here. Not elsewhere."

"So you don't know."

"Why is it so important?"

"Because! He's my friend, and I promised to follow him for the rest of our lives. I just like to think that it's happening in other worlds, too."

"Your simplicity continues to astound."

"Haha, there's no need to insult me just because you don't know something."

"Uh, Yamamoto?"

"Yeah?"

"Why are you standing in a puddle? It's really cold outside."

* * *

><p>"I suggest spending less time annoying someone who wields a badly kept temper and dynamite."<p>

"Haha, I'll think about it!"

* * *

><p>Sometimes, Takeshi just liked to hear Tsuna say it.<p>

"Since we're friends, right?"

"Eh? Oh, y-yes of course!"

* * *

><p>So, more in this universe.<p>

I'm pretty sure I was high (on sleep loss) last night, but I posted it and so-

voila. More.


	3. Hayato

I don't own anything related to KHR.

* * *

><p>"You are going to be trouble, I can tell!"<p>

"What?"

It was just a cookie. Granted, it was purple, but it was a _cookie._

"Hey, let's be friends, okay? Since I think we'll be seeing so much of each other!"

"Wait, what?"

"I'm- well, today, my name is Yolandra. Tomorrow? Who knows!"

Curly blond hair blocked his vision.

"So, cutie, let me explain what happened. You died. Your sister poisoned you-"

"I know that much!"

"But don't worry! You're not supposed to die yet, so you get to go back! Just let me work on it for a minute."

She pranced- _pranced_- off to some kind of keyboard/control panel, and began typing rather vigorously, if slowly.

"Sorry about the delay, Hayato! This is my first case out of training, you see, and honestly, all this technology is so persnickety until it gets used to you. I mean, what's the use of coming in top of your technology classes if it means absolutely nothing for the first hundred years of use? Anyway-"

"What do you mean, you're sending me back? I'm dead." He got a bubbly laugh in return.

"Yes, but weren't you listening? I said you weren't supposed to die yet. Too soon is too soon, and it's my job to make sure your death runs smoothly. It can't run smoothly if you get bumped off early, right?"

Now they were getting somewhere. At least the (phantom?) pains in his stomach had soothed.

"So...you can die too early. And I did, so I get a do-over?"

"Pretty much! You're a sharp kid. And so adorable! You'll have to fight them off when you're older, I can tell!"

For the sake of his sanity, and only semi-understanding what she meant, Gokudera ignored the way-too-bubbly lady with identity issues.

"Does this happen to everybody, or am I special?" _Different,_ he worried. Yolandra laughed, slightly higher-pitched than was comfortable.

"Well, not to everyone. But to some people, yes. It's just a strange tendency to throw the Laws of Death out of balance, so it's my job to watch over those people! And you're one of them!"

"I see."

"Ooh, and Hayato? Be careful! The first time is like unlocking the lid. After that, it's much easier for everything to spill out."

"Meaning it's more likely that I'll die before I'm supposed to after this."

"Exactly! You're one smart cookie, cutie."

Gokudera glared, but Yolandra was indifferent.

"All done! Now be careful, okay?"

* * *

><p>"I know I said that I'd be seeing you often, but this is just ridiculous."<p>

"Says you! I'M the one who keeps dying the same way! Every time! You send me back and I survive re-eating the cookie, but then the next time comes and BAM! I'm here again, stuck with _you._" Gokudera shot a nasty glare at whatever-she-called-herself-today, and huffed in annoyance. "Isn't there a way to make the change- I don't know, _permanent?_"

"I'm trying! But it doesn't ever stick. I know the command sequence, but it won't stay past the next use. At least I haven't seen you die over the same cookie, right?" She smiled. He frowned.

"Is there someone you could ask about this since you are rather _obviously _incompetent."

Dark brown eyes (today) widened, and her entire being expressed fake-hurt.

"That is a mean thing to say, my cute little Hayato!"

"Gah! I'm not CUTE."

"Says you."

"You just- fine. Fine. Just please go get someone who knows what they are doing." She sighed, and leaned back in her swivel chair. Her long black braid trailed the ground.

"I'm not sure. Do you think I could get a 'Please, beautiful Lady?' It might repair the hole in my heart. The one you put there."

"No."

"Oh, well. Have fun, ha ha!"

* * *

><p>By the next cycle, Hayato changed his mind.<p>

Of course, the price was higher this time.

"Oh lovely goddess, please bestow upon me this favor in the light of your benevolence. I ask as a mere human unworthy of your magnificence and beauty."

"Much better!" This time (he was sure she did it to annoy him) she had identical coloring to Hayato. He twitched every time she turned her (his!) eyes on him, but decided that if he could be the taste-tester for his arsenic inclined sister, he could bite the bullet with "Hayley" for however long it took to get a permanent solution. Especially when it meant seeing less of her in the long run. Not having her laugh at him and talk about how 'cute' he was every other day would be worth the current gouge in his pride.

Fortunately, the Manager was far more professional, and mostly ignored Hayley's chatter.

"For permanent changes, you have to hit 'Enter' twice."

His mind stalled.

"What?"

"Really? That easy? Wow. Well, looks like we can fix this quite quickly then, cutie! Haha!"

"You should know this all ready, it's on the first page of Basic Commands."

"Really? Whoops, I forgot."

Gokudera saw red.

"I thought you were top in your classes."

"Just technology! Not actually programming. Funny, right?"

* * *

><p>Fortunately, he didn't see her for a long time after.<p>

Unfortunately, while he didn't die of food poisoning, his body still wished he did. Considering the amount of trouble Gokudera had getting his idiot of a Handler to fix things, would it really have been too much trouble to spring for a stronger stomach?

* * *

><p>It was his first death as a For Hire mafioso, and while he was frustrated (death by falling ice-maker, what kind of freaks were considered good Mafia nowadays, anyway?), he acknowledged that, all things considered, he did have a fairly short projected lifespan. Not actually dying? He came out ahead.<p>

"Let me look at you! Oh, it's been years since I've seen you! And I was right, you're getting better by the day. This bad-boy vibe you've got going on is also just- ooh, perfect."

"Please just stop talking and send me back. And STOP PETTING ME!"

Okay, so maybe he didn't come out so ahead.

* * *

><p>Eventually, Gokudera gained a reputation for being (excessively, they said) reckless with his life. But he never actually died, so what did they care?<p>

Still, he floated around the Mafia world, travelling constantly, his only stable point being 'Leia' (Star Wars is awesome! Am I right? Ha ha!), and wasn't that pathetic?

Whatever.

So he did job after job, bitter at his blood relatives (because sure, they didn't know they actually killed him, but who thinks poisoning your kid/brother is acceptable behavior?) and annoyed at everything in general. Can you really blame him for smoking?

Then Reborn contacted him for a job.

* * *

><p>Sawada Tsunayoshi, heir of Vongola, was an incredible person.<p>

Not perfect, of course not. Gokudera wanted to know the Decimo completely, so he could better be the Best Right Hand Man ever. This meant knowing what exactly he had to watch for when dealing with his future Boss.

One of these weaknesses, if not his primary one- more than a streak of pacifism, cowardice, and general intellectual difficulty- was one Yamamoto Takeshi.

It didn't help that the first time he died after meeting Tsuna (and the Baseball Idiot), 'Persephone' greeted him with a nauseatingly familiar smile.

"Look who made friends!"

"No! I have a boss, and a stupid hanger-on. Not friends!"

"You look like friends to me~ Ha ha!"

"Don't you that when you're wearing his face?"

"Eh? But I'm a woman, Gokudera Cutie-Kun."

"If _he_ was female, he would look like you do right now."

"You think? Cool!"

"No, it isn't."

"I wonder what our kids would look like?"

"He's too young for you!"

"Are you defending your friend now? So sweet!"

"SHUT UP!"

* * *

><p>"Ha ha, Gokudera, looks like you fell asleep on the job!"<p>

"Do you just _enjoy_ the taste of burned ash, idiot?"

* * *

><p><em>Oh, Dio.<em>

Interestingly, Gokudera spent a lot more time praying after he met Yamamoto (and Lambo, Mukuro, Hibari) and began spending large amounts of time near Reborn.

Still, his dear Jyuudaime was always asking him (mostly through looks, but still) not to antagonize/fight with the other guardians. Easier said than done, considering most of them were prickly, insane, or option D: All of the Above.

He didn't feel any more patient, but at least the time spent praying meant he wasn't actively trying to kill anyone.

Small steps.

* * *

><p>Their future adventure (which was really more of a horror because <em>Tsunayoshi was dead<em>) ended with Gokudera getting an excessively long lecture about Not Stealing. Apparently, his future self had tried to use the information on time to reset things before Byakuran messed everything up- or at least before Jyuudaime was dead. Which is a big no-no.

Not that Gokudera was actually _sorry,_ especially since he hadn't actually done it (yet).

"Honestly, do you KNOW how much overtime you caused me? And the entire department? You can't just choose who lives and dies when, you cute troublemaker."

"Tch."

"Hmph. At least the Bunny pretended to listen when we lecture him."

"Bunny?"

"Oh, that's what Christmas calls his Case. I peeked in on the lecture, they spent _hours_ with him. Of course, he actually _used_ some of the technology but you know-"

"Wait, what is Bunny's real name?"

'Kwanzaa' froze.

"Oh man, my Manager is going to kill me. If Valentine doesn't first."

"Tell me!"

"No! My job- I shouldn't have said anything."

Gokudera's mind was spinning. There were only a few people who knew about the adventure trip. Male, nickname 'Bunny'. That left Reborn out, and Gokudera doubted Ryohei or Yamamoto would have the wherewithal mentally to do something. Plus, considering that only Hibari and Tenth knew...

The question was, which one?

He didn't know who 'Christmas' was. Depending, he might either see the similarities between Jyuudaime and adorable fluffiness, or he might do it to spite Hibari 'I'm a Predator' Kyoya. His mind guiltily pointed out that even ten years might not be enough for his beloved Boss to actually know what information would be of use. Of course, he doubted that Hibari would actually even pretend to listen to a lecture for multiple hours, but then considering his information source-

Gokudera eyed a currently hyperventilating Kwanzaa.

"You never heard a thing, okay? Promise me! I won't call you cutie for the next three visits!"

"Thirty."

"Ten."

"Twenty five."

"Fifteen."

"Twenty five."

"Fine. Just, not a word to anyone, please? Which means you can't ask around, or else their Handler will know and I will _die._"

"They'd kill you for this?"

"Metaphorically."

* * *

><p>So Gokudera kept an eye out to see if either Violence Embodied or Tenth had those minute space-out moments his sister had often accused him of back when she killed him four times a week.<p>

Of course, Hibari always had the same two expressions (Blank and annoyed), and Tenth tended to have those moments on a regular basis as part of his personality.

The hope that just _maybe_ he didn't have to worry so much made his heart do back-flips. Hope springs eternal, right?

* * *

><p>And so, I present Gokudera, kids.<p>

I don't even know, anymore. I hope that once I get this story out of my system, I can write a few more chapters for Task. I did have a brainstorm, but not for the next chapter, for like ten down the road.

Thanks for reading.


	4. Hibari

I own nothing. Well, not literally, but close enough. Definitely not KHR.

* * *

><p>The first time Hibari dies, it comes as one of the rudest realizations in his life.<p>

He has the option to blame many different people (Sawada, Reborn, the Wailing Cow), but knows exactly who to pin the full blame on.

The Disrupter of Peace with the worst hairstyle Hibari has ever seen. The one who thinks he is intimidating by acting mentally deranged. That act may affect the weak, but this particular carnivore just wanted to Bite. Him. To. Death.

And he would, right after he came back to life.

"Don't worry, child, I'll be sending you right back." A serene voice interrupted his thoughts, and Hibari deigned to grant his attention.

"Hn."

"Oh dear. And the others have so much more fun with theirs. Paulo's almost never stops talking." This was said with the (second?) most infuriating smirk, and all in less than an hour, too.

"Perhaps you could say something of use, herbivore."

"Hmm? Oh, well I suppose this is your first time here. I'm your Case Handler, and you died before you were supposed to! In order to keep the Reality of Existence from completely unraveling, we have to send you back." Still with that calm, half-way manic but you can trust me (no really) smile. Hibari itched for his tonfas. Sadly, it appeared everything but his clothes remained behind. Well, at least now he could have the satisfaction of beating this idiot's face in with his own two-

"Hibari-San!"

hands.

* * *

><p>"Ah, my dearest Hibari-Kun, I see we meet again."<p>

"Silence, herbivore."

"Oh? Does the sound of my voice disturb you somehow? I apologize, I had no idea. Do I remind you of something unpleasant?"

Hibari wanted to ignore the Handler as much as he could, but gave in and turned to glare-

At an industrial sized can of Pineapple Rings.

"Herbivore. What is the meaning of this disruption? I have work to do."

"You are no fun, Hibari-Kun."

"I will bite you to death."

"I weep. All my co-workers have _interesting_ Cases."

* * *

><p>Hibari, contrary to popular opinion, was rarely truly annoyed. This was because he was quite capable of <em>ending<em> anything that annoyed him. This led him to one of the things that did manage to elicit actual emotion: Illusionists.

Granted, it was possible that their ability to hit his buttons and still survive/avoid the ensuing fight had more to do with it than their...abilities, but Hibari had his pride.

Another thing that was quickly coming to annoy Hibari was the fact that the one herbivore that made other herbivores crowd was increasingly a troublemaker. While it was true that hanging around him led to some very entertaining fights, they also led to general chaos, disorder, and a severe blow to his nap schedule. All within Namimori.

"Ah, Kyoya-Kun! Do you mind if I call you that instead, since we're growing closer? You were doing so well staying alive! But I suppose even you have limits. At least I can see you more often."

"What."

Then there was his 'Handler', the shape-shifting idiot who reminded him (purposefully) of The One Who Always Dodged Fights. When Hibari was older, and had a firmer grip on the political working of Namimori, he would have a law passed that outlawed pitchforks, heterochromia, yo-yos...

But that was in the future. This was now, and he was growing less and less _entertained_ by this particular brand of idiocy.

"There we go, my violent little Kyoya-Kun! Remember, the sakura blooms are lovely this time of year..." Another serene smile and eyes that avoided direct confrontation. Cowardly herbivore.

Oh yes, he was going to Bite Him To Death.

* * *

><p>Hibari was in a massively bad mood. This had shot straight past 'annoyed' and was rapidly climbing the hill towards 'Completely Incendiary'.<p>

Currently, he was stuck with the biggest bunch of idiots either side of the Pacific, for some reason (that Baby was dead, he did **not** require training to better crowd with the herbivores) unable to shake them off.

Dropped somewhere in Siberia, with all the herbivores talking, shouting, or fighting constantly. The short herbivore at least was smart enough to realize that they were making the situation worse, and that Hibari was dangerously close to killing them all.

His earnest (for him) attempts to calm the group were completely ignored, especially by that Sasagawa and...he forgot the name of 'Right Hand Man', actually. It should be 'He Who Damages Property Without Care', but unfortunately, the herbivores of the world were rarely self-aware enough to properly label themselves. Which was why Hibari did it for them.

* * *

><p>"Kufufu, is our dear Hibari-Kun <em>scared?<em>"

He was doing his level best to ignore It right now, but for something that resembled an itch, it was fairly difficult. It just grew worse the longer you refused any acknowledgement.

"Oya, does little Birdy get annoyed when I do-this?"

'This' consisted of trying to poke at his face. Hibari responded by snapping at the finger. Perhaps there was a glimmer of common sense rattling around It's head, because there was a brief respite after catching a glance at his face. Or maybe it had something to do with what happened next, for just as It stepped back-

Someone threw (yes, threw) a certain panicking, fluffy herbivore straight at him. He mostly dodged, but one wildly flailing limb caught him across the cheek as he sailed through the air.

Everything froze. Slowly, his assailant rose to his feet, stuttering apologies especially after seeing his cheek, rapidly bruising. The apologies stumbled to a stop, and finally there was complete silence.

Perhaps, if they had all remained that way for a while (Read: days), the situation might not have exploded. Unfortunately, Hibari would reflect back , the group he was constantly being crowded by had a preternatural ability to create and amplify chaos. It was unparalleled. Which, in Hibari's personal opinion, completely excused and explained what happened next.

"Kufufu, did the almighty Carnivore meet his match in a kitten? What will you challenge next, a full grown cat? Birds should be careful-"

The last string snapped, and a world of anger bloomed, centered perfectly on one person. The others were simply chaff in the wind.

* * *

><p>Generally, Hibari Kyoya had an extremely keen memory which was a point of personal pride. He could not, however, remember what happened in the next few minutes. He was later informed that it involved a great deal of swearing, explosives, and that they were lucky a certain troublesome bazooka didn't get involved.<p>

That aside, Hibari found himself face to face with the second greatest bane of his life.

"Do so many of you have to die at once? Do you even realize what that does to the system? Honestly, you should be more careful. How can you call yourself a Keeper of Peace in Namimori if you really just cause more disorder everywhere?"

The pineapple (Yes, a literal pineapple) was scolding him. For dying. But apparently they all died at once. All died. Which meant-

That bastard.

* * *

><p>Technically, nothing except clothing remained when a person was gathered into their Handler's workroom. Hibari viewed this as a challenge. Stalking to the door ("Oya, Birdy-Kun, what are you doing?), he sized it up, ignored the Pineapple, and kicked.<p>

As expected, the door blew off, and an unruffled Hibari stepped out of the room. He looked left and right, but unfortunately alarms had started to go off, which disrupted his hearing. The hard way it was, then.

Down the hallway lay a series of doors, and starting with the first, he began to knock them all down.

* * *

><p>"Hiiii! Hibari-San?!<p>

Wrong room.

* * *

><p>"You filthy *%$* causing trouble for Jyuudaime! Get back here!"<p>

Wrong room.

* * *

><p>"Haha! I should have known you'd be an expert at this part of the game!"<p>

Wrong room.

* * *

><p>*Sob* "I'm not a cry-baby!"<p>

Wrong room.

* * *

><p>"EXTRE-"<p>

WRONG room.

* * *

><p>"Ah! Hi-Hibari-San?"<p>

"Kufufu, looks like the bird escaped his cage."

"Stop hiding behind the female and come here so I can BITE YOU TO DEATH."

"What kind of- I should have known the creepy idiot couldn't handle his case. Where is security?"

"In the hall. I bit them to death."

"Such a violent child!"

"Death!?"

"Um, Hibari-San, maybe we should wait to fight until we're alive again? Since Mukuro can't use his abilities here-"

"Are you calling me weak, little Vongola?"

"NO! No, I just think that now isn't the best time for a fight, and-"

Noisy.

"Waa! Dame-Tsuna, make them stop!"

"Little Bunny-"

"Don't CALL me that!"

"You heard him! Don't call Tenth such a thing!"

How annoying.

"Ha, Cute Gokudera, having fun with your friends?"

Order must be established.

* * *

><p>Later generations of Handlers would later dare each other to walk into an unlit, empty room and whisper "Hibari Kyoya" three times. More than one student returned with mysterious bruises, although most claimed it came from tripping over equipment in the dark. Still, the tale was firmly marked as a horror story, and became the postmark for worst case scenarios in training. Millions went into research and development to prevent another such catastrophe from happening.<p>

Oddly enough, no one was blamed for the incident beside Hibari himself.

* * *

><p>So I apologize. I have trying to get this out for the past three days. A couple things delayed me. K Drama (Flower Boy Next Door), then staying up too late watching it, then going with mom places (She's having a hard time, but being with people (even me, Queen of Not Talking) makes her feel better) for a lot longer than I signed up for.<p>

Anyway, here it is! AND I FOUND PLOT. Kind of.

Thanks for all the support.

**Edited: 1.2.15**


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